First Work Trip Away From Baby: Handing Over Bedtime

On your first work trip away from the baby, the part that keeps you awake is usually bedtime, and it’s also the part you can prepare for best. Hand it over before you leave: let the person staying home do the whole bedtime routine, alone, two or three times while you’re out of the house. Write the routine down in the order it happens, keep the baby on home time whatever time zone you’re in, and agree in advance what happens at the night wakings. Most babies protest for a night or two and then settle. The routine travels even when you don’t. Here’s how to set it up, what to do about feeding, and what to expect when you get home.

This is a different trip from the ones I usually write about. When the baby comes with you, the challenge is a new room, which is what my guide to the second night away from home is about. Here, the baby’s room, crib and house stay the same. What changes is the person at bedtime.

Rehearse the handover before you go

The most useful thing you can do is make the caregiver’s bedtime ordinary before the trip makes it necessary.

• Start a week or two ahead. Let your partner, a grandparent or the sitter do the full routine from bath to lights out, at least two or three times.
• Leave the house while they do it. If you’re in the next room, many babies can hear you and wait for you. A walk or an errand is a better test.
• Don’t step in. Unless something is really wrong, let the first one go badly. A bedtime that ends in tears with them is useful information. A bedtime that ends with you taking over teaches the baby to wait for you.
• Let them do it their way within the routine. The order and the words matter more than who’s doing it. Different arms and a different singing voice are fine.

If you’ve always been the one at bedtime, this can feel like losing something. It’s really gaining a second person your baby can fall asleep with, which makes every later trip, night out and sick night easier.

Write the bedtime down

Don’t rely on a quick briefing at the door. Write down the routine in the order it happens:

• the time the last nap ends and the time bedtime starts;
• the steps, in order: bath or wash, pyjamas, sleep sack, feed or milk, book, song, lights;
• the exact words you say at the door, and any phrase your baby knows means sleep;
• what the room should be like: dark, white noise on, the temperature you use;
• what you do at a night waking, and when you feed versus settle;
• the morning wake time, so the next day starts the same.

If your baby is already a toddler, Betteroo’s guide to the order and timing of a bedtime routine is a good checklist for writing it down.

Keep the baby on home time

If your trip crosses time zones, your body clock changes and the baby’s shouldn’t. Bedtime at home stays at the usual hour. Put the baby’s bedtime in your phone in home time and plan your calls around it, not around your meetings.

Night wakings and feeding

Decide who does what at night before you leave. If you usually feed at night, the person staying home needs a plan they’ve practised: a bottle of expressed milk or formula, or settling without a feed if your baby has already dropped it. Try the bottle with the caregiver in the weeks before you go, not on the first night you’re away. Some breastfed babies take a bottle more easily from someone other than the nursing parent.

If you’re breastfeeding, the CDC’s travel advice for nursing parents covers the trip:

• Express milk in advance so your baby can keep having your milk while you’re apart.
• On the trip, take breaks to express as often as you would normally feed your baby, if possible. A small manual pump like the Medela Harmony is handy as a backup to your usual pump.
• Ask your hotel in advance for a compact fridge in your room if you need one.
• Freshly expressed milk can travel in an insulated cooler bag with frozen ice packs for up to 24 hours. A set like the Medela breast milk cooler comes with the ice pack and bottles.
• You don’t have to be traveling with a baby to carry milk and supplies through airport security. Tell the TSA officer at the start of screening that you are carrying expressed milk.

Calls, videos and bedtime

There’s no single right answer here, so watch what your baby does.

• Call earlier, not at bedtime. Some babies love seeing a parent on a screen. Others get upset when the face disappears, right before they need to settle. A call at breakfast or after the afternoon nap is usually easier than one at lights out.
• Keep it short and the same every day. A two-minute hello at the same time is easier than a long call that depends on your meeting schedule.
• Let the caregiver decide on the night. If bedtime is going well, skipping the call is fine. They can tell you how it went afterwards.

The first night home

Expect your baby to be clingy when you get back. Separation anxiety typically starts around 8 to 9 months, and a few nights apart can bring it out. Betteroo explains why it shows up at bedtime and night wakings and how to respond.

• Go back to the normal routine the first night. Don’t add extra steps, long cuddles in the dark or a new feed to make up for being away.
• Share bedtime for a few nights. If the caregiver did well, keep one part of the routine theirs (the bath, or the book). It keeps the skill alive for the next trip.
• Give it a few days. A rough night or two after you get home is normal and usually passes quickly if the routine stays the same.

When your baby is ready to come along on the next trip, my guide to baby sleep while traveling covers the travel crib, time zones and the portable routine.

A bedtime anyone can follow Betteroo builds a sleep schedule and bedtime routine from your baby's age, so whoever is home that night knows exactly when and how. Take the 2-minute sleep quiz →

FAQ: the first work trip away from the baby

How do I prepare my baby for my first work trip?

Let the person staying home do the whole bedtime routine two or three times in the weeks before you leave, while you’re out of the house. Write the routine down in order, practise the bottle if you usually feed at night, and keep everything else the same.

Will my baby sleep without me?

Usually, yes. Many babies protest for the first night or two with a different person at bedtime and then settle, especially if the routine, the room and the timing stay exactly the same.

Should I video call my baby at bedtime?

Not necessarily. Some babies get upset when the screen goes off just before they need to settle. A short call earlier in the day, at the same time each day, is often easier.

Can I fly with breast milk without my baby?

Yes. The CDC says you don’t need to be traveling with a baby to carry milk and supplies through airport security. Tell the TSA officer at the start of screening that you are carrying expressed milk.

Why is my baby clingy after my trip?

It’s common, especially once separation anxiety starts, typically around 8 to 9 months. Go back to the normal routine straight away, keep bedtime short and calm, and expect it to settle within a few nights.